Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
Randomize
