I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
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