well I can't set my house on fire every night
I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
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