How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
Randomize
