you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
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