Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
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