her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
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