hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
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I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
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I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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