dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
Randomize