I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
I have grass duct taped all over my body
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
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