just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
we might have left him a semi topless video on his wall. godd i just hope they suspend my accont so i stop doing thses things.....
dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
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