Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
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