i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
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