Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
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