My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
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