I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
Randomize