I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
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