Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
Of course I have a pirate flag
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
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