Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
Randomize
