you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
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