ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
Randomize
