So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Randomize
