I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Randomize
