Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
So, does it mean i'm loose if he can't even tell when he fell out?
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
Randomize
