so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
Applied 4 a nanny job usin a Legit Site. Xplain to me how the couple I found offered me a 3some complete with 'sexy pics' of the wife blowin hubby. wtf?
obviously you're part succubus.
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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