Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Randomize
