the new term for farting is butt boxing.
Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
Randomize
