Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
Randomize
