You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
i wish there were pregnant emoticons
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
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