I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
Randomize
