He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
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