she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize
