Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
Randomize
