How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
Randomize
