Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
Randomize
