I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
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