It's Friday. Sex?
happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
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