I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
Randomize
