The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
I think I have vodka in my lungs
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
Randomize
