Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
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You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
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I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
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