sooo how much is appropriate to spend on a vibrator? what if it is really legit looking?
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
Randomize
