Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
Randomize
