I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
Randomize
