If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
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