Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
They have beer where we have blood.
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
Randomize
