Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
Randomize
