Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
Randomize
