after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Randomize
