I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
so for future reference,at what point did you feel like a line had been crossed?
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
Randomize
