New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
Randomize
