And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
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