we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
Randomize
