her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
her facebook's as public as her vagina
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
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He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
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Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
If I had your ass I would rule the world
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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