apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
Just invented taco cereal.
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
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