my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
Randomize
