I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
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