remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
Randomize
