life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
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All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
You are the jesus of drinking
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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