also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
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