I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
Randomize
