We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
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