Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
Randomize
